OH MY GOD TWITTER IS DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

You guys.

Twitter is down right now.

Why is Twitter down right now? What am I going to do with myself now that Twitter is down right now?

Jesus Christ, what have I done before Twitter was ever invented? Oh God, I have no idea.

Light things on fire? Did I just consistently light things on fire before I knew I could just Tweet my anger instead using actual flames to metaphorically ignite it?

Oh geez, it's been two minutes I have no idea what kind of ice cream Arianna Huffington is going to treat herself after lunch today because today is obviously ice cream Tuesday over at Huffington Post Headquarters. I knew that from Twitter. But now I can't know things anymore. NATHAN FILLION - WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHOW ON ADULT SWIM?!?!?!?

I'll never know...

I'll never know....

I'll just never ever never ever never ever-

Oh wait. Twitter's up and running now.

I'm on a plane.

Hi everyone. Are you on a plane? I am. On a plane from LA to New York for the world-famous (or maybe just world-familiar?) Del Close Marathon. It's in the air, and it's a little bumpy right now but I've been assured that it's gonna be fine and that the plane's not gonna explode or hit a mountain or anything. Want to play a game? This one's called "Guess Matty's Phobia!" It's a game about guessing what my phobia is-- just a little something to distract myself from the fact that I'm bouncing around in a giant soaring tin can miles above the ground with very little padding to break any possible fall. Clues in there? Maybe! Let's begin!


To play, just answer this simple question:
Can you guess Matty's phobia? You have three techno-seconds (a techno-second is the amount of time it takes to read and scroll through a line with periods on it).


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Time's up. What'd you answer? Did you answer aerophobia, or fear of flying? Scroll down to see if you're right!







No. That's not correct. The correct answer was "yes." And that phobia is aerophobia, or fear of flying. People, my life might right now be in the hands of this man.

I'll post again soon, barring Desmond not typing in the numbers or a Langolier attack.