What 2010 Has in Store... For YOU

Hello all. I know it’s been a while since I blogged, but I’ve spent some time using my brainwaves to activate an alien body on this mission that I don’t want to talk about.

It’s a new decade. That’s cool. I’m excited that this last decade was over, what with all the tragedy that happened, like NBC’s Coupling.

I have some predictions for you for 2010. Since I have déjà vu a lot, you can be pretty convinced that most of them will be right. I have, like, a million senses more than you, so trust me on this. Okay, buddy?!

Okay, here are some things that will happen in 2010 to you:

- You will go to the bathroom. It’s going to happen. Trust me. When you go to the bathroom, you’re going to be all like, “Oh my God. She was right.” And now when you go to the bathroom, you’re going to think of me. That’s okay. I’m used to it with me being magical and all.

- I will giggle as I type, “go to the bathroom.” When I was younger I used to think the phrase “go to the bathroom” was so funny because of “bathroom”. Since I am alone right now, I don’t feel any shame in laughing. Oh my God! I’m giggling right now. I’m letting out a good guffaw, if you will. I was right. My predictions are true. So there.

- You will do something with your body. The verb that you will do is tattooed on Lindsay Lohan’s wrist after she was in the hospital for an asthma attack.

- You are going to be impressed with my knowledge of Lindsay Lohan’s body adornment and medical history. Even if your brain is telling you I’m a loser, your heart is telling you I’m a genius.

- You will read this blog right now. It’s 2010 and you’re reading this blog so that means it will have happened so I’m totally right on my prediction of you reading this blog.

Done! That’s all my entire psychic eye is telling me right now. I’ll get back to you if I see anything else in the future. For now, Happy New Year!

SAT Prep

Please fill in all bubbles fully. If you don't, your bubbles will look unpleasant.

Question 1: Math

Miguel liked Saw VI more than Saw II, but less than Saw III. He also liked Saw IV more than Saw V, but less than Saw II. Additionally, he liked Saw I better than Saw III. On top of that, Hostel Part II sucked.

How does Miguel rank the Saw movies and the crappy Hostel sequel, from best to worst?

(A) Saw I, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw II, Saw VI, Saw V, Hostel Part II

(B) Saw I, Saw VI, Saw III, Saw V, Saw II, Saw IV, Hostel Part II

(C) Saw I, Saw III, Saw VI, Saw II, Saw IV, Saw V, Hostel Part II

(D) Saw I, Saw 3, Saw VIII, Saw II, Saw XFL, Saw MCMIV, Hostel: First Blood Part II

Question 2: Grammar

Read the following sentence, and choose the answer that would best replace the part in italics.

Jon Gosselin is a total douchebag.

(A) not a former star of any television series on TLC

(B) a raccoon

(C) not Jon Gosselin

(D) a total douchebag (no change)

Question 3: Reading Comprehension

Read the following passage from New Moon.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason....And then then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty."

Based on the passage, the Twilight series is:

(A) poorly written

(B) retarded

(C) more like HAWTly written and retarded HAWT!!1

(D) all of the above

'Kay, pencils down. How'd you do? Hopefully well, otherwise you won't get into Barnett College, which leads the nation in professors that kill nazis and uncover ridiculous alien artifacts.

"Well, I was sort of in the middle of releasing a horde of souls from the Ark of the Covenant upon a Nazi platoon, but sure, I'd love to read the first draft of your lousy honor thesis."

Answer Key: 1. E, 2. E, 3. E