What 2010 Has in Store... For YOU

Hello all. I know it’s been a while since I blogged, but I’ve spent some time using my brainwaves to activate an alien body on this mission that I don’t want to talk about.

It’s a new decade. That’s cool. I’m excited that this last decade was over, what with all the tragedy that happened, like NBC’s Coupling.

I have some predictions for you for 2010. Since I have déjà vu a lot, you can be pretty convinced that most of them will be right. I have, like, a million senses more than you, so trust me on this. Okay, buddy?!

Okay, here are some things that will happen in 2010 to you:

- You will go to the bathroom. It’s going to happen. Trust me. When you go to the bathroom, you’re going to be all like, “Oh my God. She was right.” And now when you go to the bathroom, you’re going to think of me. That’s okay. I’m used to it with me being magical and all.

- I will giggle as I type, “go to the bathroom.” When I was younger I used to think the phrase “go to the bathroom” was so funny because of “bathroom”. Since I am alone right now, I don’t feel any shame in laughing. Oh my God! I’m giggling right now. I’m letting out a good guffaw, if you will. I was right. My predictions are true. So there.

- You will do something with your body. The verb that you will do is tattooed on Lindsay Lohan’s wrist after she was in the hospital for an asthma attack.

- You are going to be impressed with my knowledge of Lindsay Lohan’s body adornment and medical history. Even if your brain is telling you I’m a loser, your heart is telling you I’m a genius.

- You will read this blog right now. It’s 2010 and you’re reading this blog so that means it will have happened so I’m totally right on my prediction of you reading this blog.

Done! That’s all my entire psychic eye is telling me right now. I’ll get back to you if I see anything else in the future. For now, Happy New Year!

Spotlight On: Ben Siemon

Ben Siemon is a performer and writer at UCBTLA and watching him perform is always a pleasure. Ben has become the go-to person to spoof anything pop culture. With his big characters and knack for satire, your shame for knowing every Golden Girls episode just melts away. He's right there with you, eating a frozen cheesecake and calling you Pussy Cat.

"When Your Father Gets Home!"



"Homeward Bound"

And the Winner is... Me!

Well, according to the accurate and popular poll, it looks like yours truly beat out Bob McBobbob in the quest to find out who has the funniest video out of everyone in the entire world. Land of the Lost came in a very close, yet oh so far, second.

Well, I'd like to thank Matty for helping me to restore my confidence when it comes to the YouTube world. He also offered to have a pizza party in my honor, but I figured this is better.

Hey, Friend. Don't Cuss.

Those that know me well know that I'm not a cusser. Just don't do it. Not my style. I'll take a "frickin' a-hole" over a "frickin' a-hole" (pretend I didn't self-censor the latter) any day of the week. Especially Sundays, the day of the Lord, but also Thursdays, the day of Thor. My linguistic tendencies harken back to the early years of the Hayes Code, when not being openly obscene forced filmmakers to be creatively indirect and heavy on the innuendo, causing movies to actually be way more awesome. That's right, I'm a modern day Lubitsch, totally awesomer than all you kids who curse. I may also be a total tool, but like, an awesome tool.

Sort of like this kid...




Oh, and don't worry. Becky and I are already official members of the No Cussing Club.