1960's Found Commercials

Uncovered from the depths of Proctor and Gamble and CSC Brands, comes never-before-seen commercials featuring the wheelers and dealers of the 1960's.







*Brought to you by the UCBTLA Maude Team, Paddington.

As Seen on TV

I was watching Ben Siemon's Infomercial Date and I realized that I am a victim to As Seen on TV scams. I'll admit this to you: I have purchased a lot of As Seen on TV products. I am so vulnerable to infomercials. They make it seem that with this product, my life will totally improve. I get the product, and, at first, I think, "Wow, this product is amazing!" Then, after two more tries I realize I purchased the most defunct product in the world.

Okay, so here's a list of some things I've purchased:

1.) Strap Perfect. This was my latest purchase. My bra straps are always falling over so I decided to get this 20 dollar piece of plastic to keep them in place. Basically, this thing is a piece of plastic that is snug against your skin all day. I have very sensitive skin, so the strap perfect permanently indented itself on my back and now it looks like I have a weird Satanic symbol branded on me. It's not that big of a deal... since I'm a Satanist (a Jewish Satanist at that), but if I weren't, I would be a little peeved... and a little Born-Again, too. Cost: $20.00.

2.) Tweez-E. Tweez-E is a pair of electric tweezers, promising to get it's job done painlessly and in half the time. No way. Tweez-E is not eaz-E. All it does is pinch your skin and make a weird vibrating noise that makes your roommates think you cannot stop using a vibrator, while cursing, whenever the bathroom door is shut. Cost: $30.00

3.)The Ab Glide. Okay, I didn't actually purchase this product, but I did waste a Hannukkah on this. Every year for Hannukkah, my parents use to allow me one "big" present and the rest of my presents were cheap or free little tokens like a sheet of price stickers from ShopRite or fun-shaped erasers that my mom usually gives to her students. That year I asked for an Ab Glide as my "big" present and the second after I performed my first glide, I wished I had asked for an Ab Doer. Cost: Hanukkah of 1998.

My Life at UCBcomedy.com

Folks, we've got a present for you today. We know you've been wondering, "what's the glamorous life of a UCB intern like?" Well, we're gonna show you. Right now, yes. Here's the view from Matty's luxurious seat in the back office of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

Oh, man, check it out! Is that a MacBook? Yeah, it is. I get to use it! And that sweet piece of abstract art makes me seem smart. Just a little somethin' somethin' for the ladies. And, to top it all off, I get to use that stapler any time I want. As long as it's business-related. So that's the mustardy-colored front view. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY TOP THIS?!?


Holy crud! A hallway! That's what's goin' on to the left. Interesting note, nobody has ever gone down that hallway, and nobody knows what's down there. My bet's on it being the lair of the Jabberwocky.


How many people are able to say they can spin around and look at the faces of all the UCB interns at once any time they want? How many? Very few. But I can. I can. Also, that Paychex calendar sure comes in handy, mainly because it doubles as just a regular-type calendar.


My view to the right. I don't look there often. No idea who that chick is.


And, not to brag, but on very, very special days, I get a visitor! That's right, it's the UCB's own Harrison Brown! He likes to come in and tell Becky she's doing a really good job. Then I ask how I'm doing, and he just stares at the floor. Then I go home and throw myself one of my Matty Smith-patented pizza n' tears parties, my favorite kind of party. More on that later.


I hope this was as exciting for you as it was for me. You probably work in an office building, with windows and stuff. Talk about banal. If I want to see typical office workings, I can just watch reruns of Working with Fred Savage. Remember Working? They had an episode where they had a Solitaire competition. Haha, Solitaire.

Genius.

One Great Sketch for Monday

Here's a great sketch written by (and starring) Ryan Perez. Enjoy!

Top Five Theme Songs I Always Confuse

1.) Entertainment Tonight with Dateline

2.) The Real World Boston theme song with The Real World Hollywood. Here's the difference: Cyrus in the Boston season says "This is where we stop being polite and start getting real" and in the Hollywood season it's NOT Cyrus saying that. Confusing, right?

3.) The Intervention theme song with the song that plays in this music box I once had as a kid.

4.) The Step by Step theme song with Family Matters... until I get to the chorus of the Step By Step theme song and then I say, "That's the Step by Step theme song!" because the actual lyrics are "step by step" and then everyone around me says, "Ohhhh! You're right!"

5.) "Are You Ready for Some Football" with the Art Institute of Detroit fight song.

For fans of NPR theme songs, check out this video, directed by Matt Walsh.