Friday, December 5, 2008

Relationship Advice

I'm like the Nora Ephron of Generation X. Wait... I think I'm part of Generation Y. I don't know.

All I know is that I am surrounded by people in many kinds of relationships and I've noticed many of my friends run into similar issues when it comes to love. Since I am a love expert, here is some general advice to improve your relationships to make them long-lasting.

1.) When you first start to become intimate, purposely be bad at sex. Lie there still, make ugly faces, or hum Night Ranger. Then, gradually improve your techniques. That way, sex will never get boring. It will only improve. Once you've reached your peak, however, simply get divorced and blame it on your kids.

2.) Someone in the relationship needs to be a 14 year old. Or at least dress like a 14 year old.

3.) Do it in front of people and don't wait for them to ask to watch you do it.

4.) Never fart in front of each other.

5.) Always be pro-active together. For example, you can look at the right side on your computer screen and vote for you favorite UCBComedy original together. Put your finger on top of your partner's finger as you vote for "Funny Cats"... or whatever. Finger is such a funny word. But seriously, doing things together instead of apart is better, unless you like doing things apart.... or just doing things with other people.

6.) Don't give up who you are. If you like looking for Casual Encounters on Craiglist, keep doing it! It's who you are! Never let another person change you, unless they murder you. You can't really do anything about that.

But, what you can do, right now, is watch our newest original called eMotionallyfucked.com written by Michelle Thorn. It will also inspire you to improve your relationships.

1 comment:

Matty Smith said...

Well, I really can't imagine it'd be all that bad to hum Night Ranger during the intimates, since Night Ranger will likely be blaring out of the radio. In my case, at least.