A Two-Minute Movie Review

There are only so many hours in a day, and you just want to know which movies are worth your time. So what's not to like about a two-minute movie review? This week's review is of the 1968 "classic," Planet of the Apes. For the two minutes, I chose to watch the last two minutes of the film. The following are my thoughts from when I was watching. Beware: minor spoiler alerts!

All right, he's on a beach. That's cool, good setting. What the heck is the Statue of Liberty doing there? That's supposed to be in New York. Major goof on the set designer's part. And why's that Moses guy so angry now? Of course you're on Earth, retard. What's the big deal? I'm on Earth every day and I don't fall on my knees and yell curse words all the time. Holy crap, those monkeys are wearing clothes!

To sum up, despite creative choices in locale and interesting use of animals, Planet of the Apes ultimately fails due to an extremely one-note performance by Charlton Heston (all he did was yell!) and major logical errors (I saw no reason why the protagonist would think he was on any planet other than the planet Earth). Planet of the Apes just doesn't hold up for today's audiences.