Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Someone threw a shoe at my head at a sleepover once.

Growing up, I would always have these friends that I thought were pretty cool. We would become super-close and we would have our first sleepover. I would go over to their house for a sleepover, and I could never fall asleep because I was always supine on the hard floor, with one pillow, sleeping in my dad's dusty sleeping bag from his bachelor/anger days.

I would stare at my new friend and watch her sleep and realize how weird she was. I had one friend who used to snore out of her ears. (I swear to God! She had really bad asthma or something.) I had another friend who used to whisper parts of the female reproductive system in her sleep.

Finally, I had a friend who would throw stuff in her sleep.

Her name was Becca and for a while she didn't like me because my name was Becky and it was too much like Becca and I was totally stealing her thunder, despite the fact that I was six months older than her.

Needless to say, back then I probably won her over by doing my only character: Cereal Killer. (It was an old lady who used to like to murder cereal.) She probably thought I was hilarious and we became fast friends.

We had our first sleepover. She slept on the couch in her basement and I slept on the Laz-E Boy.

Since I wasn't sleeping on the floor, I was actually able to fall asleep. Just as my dream was about to begin, I felt something hit my head. I woke up and found a sneaker on the floor next to the chair.

Becca threw a sneaker at me!

"What the hell, Becca?" I asked.

She didn't say anything.

I walked over to her and saw her fast asleep. She looked like a retard.


She picked up a pillow on the couch and threw it in my face.

"Why are you being such a bitch, Becca? I thought you found Cereal Killer to be funny!"

She didn't respond.

She was fast asleep.

A few days later I told her about it and she totally denied it. Years later I even made fun of her for it and she still continued to deny it.

But I swear to God she threw a shoe at me in her sleep! She's a sleep-shoe-thrower!

Is that so hard to believe?

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