World Awareness, 2/10/09

We Americans are often accused of a total lack of ignorance when it comes to what's going on in the rest of the world. Fear not, because I'm gonna prove that notion wrong through an intelligent and informed discussion of one of the day's world events. I'm also going to assume that you're American (or Canadian at the very least), because I'm pretty sure they don't have internet in the rest of the world.

Looking at the aptly titled "/world" section of CNN.com, it seems that the most significant story concerns a group of Amazon Indians who ate a farmer in Brazil. We all know the long story of the Kulina tribe, and as Americans we all have a strong grasp on the socio-political climate of rural Brazil, so I'm not going into that. And it goes without saying that we all feel the villagers have a right to be disappointed in the lack of response from FUNAI. Also, every American knows that there are "460,000 Indians in Brazil and 1,300 indian languages. There are 55 groups considered to live in isolation." So I see no reason for CNN.com to have felt the need to conclude their article with that.

The more pressing concern is that of the eight people named specifically in the article, five are cannibals. From this, it's pretty safe to conclude that 5 out of 8 non-Americans are cannibals. There's a man-eat-man outbreak of zombapocalyptic proportions out there, and we're doing very little to prepare for that day when some bird with a strain of the zombie virus in its blood makes its way to south Florida and bites a retiree, thereby setting off a wave of destruction, living dead, and mall inhabitance all across the continental United States. The United States needs to strengthen its immigration policies, now, especially when it concerns zombism. I'm not here to offer a solution-- there are smarter men than I for that. I just think that maybe we do need to be a little more aware of what's going on in the world around us. Because what's going on in the world around us, is zombies.