Note: I originally wrote this post with a hopeful Arizonan heart on the morning of Sunday, February 1st, before the Super Bowl took place. Because of these hard economic times in which nothing should be wasted (not to mention, my resourceful green-centric lifestyle), I'm gonna try to salvage the post, with a few alterations for accuracy (original text is stricken through and replaced).
Heck yeah Durnit! After fifty-one long years, the Arizona Cardinals are finally Super Bowl champions! still crummy loserfaces. As the great Kurt Warner a-hole Ben Roethlisberger stepped up to claim the majestic totally pointless Super Bowl trophy, I couldn't help but feel a song in my heart the horrible sting of realizing that all existence is pointless. It's as if this heavy weight has been lifted off the chest of every Arizona sports fan the man with the world's largest hand slapped every Arizona sports fan right in the face. Simply put, I'm elated plunging into the depths of depression. I wanna call my mom dad, and tell them how glad angry I am at them for raising me in the wonderful subpar city of Phoenix Buttfart, Arizona.
Seriously, everyone. I haven't been this excited for a while. As a team with such a shameful history of losing year in and year out, for the Arizona Cardinals to have won the Super Bowl is huge. Only Cubs fans have had it worse than Cardinals fans in terms of waiting forever for a championship, and for the first time in my life I can say I'm proud to be a Cardinals fan. The rush of joy that came with watching the Cardinals finally claim the Super Bowl title was something I thought I'd never feel, and in a way it almost made all those long losing years worth it. Hooray! The Steelers can bite my wiener.
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