This Doesn't Really Have an Overall Theme, Per Se...

A few stores down from UCBTLA, there's a coffee shop known as the Bourgeois Pig. There's a lot of controversy over this place because around 5 pm, the slow motion shift takes place.

Needless to say, since it's East Coast weather out today, I'm freezing and went to buy myself a cup of tea. Every time you buy tea there, the barista always warns you that it's "really hot".

Cut to me, two seconds later, knocking the lid off of the cup and scalding hot water splattering over my innocent baby hands. This is the worst burn I ever felt. And I got a second degree burn from an Easy Bake Oven before. (That was the day I learned that Easy Bake Ovens aren't kilns and year-old rubber cement isn't clay.)

That's not what I was going to write about today. Yesterday was my birthday and I'm still a little drunk and I've been having weird thoughts all morning. As I was walking to work, I saw the fattest pigeons huddling outside a grocery store. There's an epidemic of obese pigeons and that makes me sad.

You know what else makes me sad? Kids on drugs. I loved every moment of Cannibal Holocaust except for the part when that guy blows cocaine into that boy's nose. That's wrong. I also am not a fan of David After the Dentist. That kid is freaking out. Put the camera down and give him a hug. I think anyone who has ever had a bad high before knows what it's like to freak out and the last thing you need is for your own parent to tape you. Instead, they should pour peanut M&M's into a bag of Sun Chips and feed it to you in the form of two M&M's to every Sun Chip.

However, UCB's own Chris Kula uploaded this video to UCBComedy and suddenly I've found myself being very forgiving of most cases of child abuse.

Watch it. Or I'll pour scalding hot water on you really slowly.